Communication 101 Tip… or how to have more sex, money, and get through life easier.
It all really boils down to one thing.
In business, life, friendships, love, getting through the day, making sure the dude at Starbucks doesn’t mess up your order… your success and ease or pain and confusion in this life comes down to communication. Your interactions with other human beings.
Whether it is in person, online, on the street, naked in bed, in a store, in a sales meeting, at home, in a crisis, or on a date…all involve communicating.
You can communicate with words, writing, speech, film, music, food, touch… it is the delivery and the interpretation.
Giving and receiving. Speaking, listening, inquiring, and interpreting. You have to do it all. Getting it right means getting your words, thoughts, purpose, and intent DELIVERED properly AND it means receiving messages, thoughts, desires, intentions, feelings, instructions clearly.
Get it right…. Life is easy, people are happy, shit gets done… properly.
Get it wrong… Feelings get hurt, people are unhappy, mad, there is confusion, errors, shit doesn’t get done… or it’s done poorly.
Yeah, I’m sure a few smart asses out there are saying, “Well no shit Bradley. Thanks for the comm lesson. I went to community college for a year and I’ve been speaking since like… forever.”
Got it.. Everybody knows the basic theory. BUT we don’t think about it in our everyday life… and that’s what screws us up. When people have a problem with another human, it can be a relationship or business problem. hell, any problem or interaction, nobody says, “Gosh Brittany, I think I need to be a better communicator or perhaps my problem in is how I communicate or understand things.”
We call it something else. We put labels on everything we do and call it dating, sales, motivation, education, relationships, counseling, negotiation, interviewing, humor… but it is ALL COMMUNICATING.
OK, you're thinking. “Great Bradley, I didn’t come for a communication lesson. WTH does this have to do with you, me, life, business, sex, etc.?”
Here is the deal and why it hit me
A while back I created an online course. It taught a VERY specific group of people a VERY specific communication skill.
But I didn’t frame it around communication…which I should have.
I framed it around… dating. Specifically, it was targeted for single middle-aged women and who wanted to learn how to get their man to quickly open up and communicate with them on a date so they could discover his true personality and ability to be emotionally available. Whew! Let’s just say, it’s a niche. (C’mon, you can’t deny that being open in your relationship or finding out if someone is hiding behind a mask or totally full of shit is a good thing.)
The course did well, taught some important skills, got great feedback, and helped a lot of people.
I wasn’t happy with it.
However, once I stepped away from it and gave it some time and distance, I began to view it differently.
It dawned on me as I was a guest on a podcast about masculinity with a former Army Ranger Special Operations Solider in Iraq talking about… our feelings. Seriously. I’m not making this up.
I began to flip the script and look at the course, the skills and what I do in a different light.
Here are a few takeaways.
A.) Communication skills and pulling back someone’s mask applies to ANYONE… at ANY TIME… in MOST ANY SITUATION. Personal or professional.
* Yes, I acknowledge the obvious that it’s not just middle-aged single women that need this message. #synapsiswerentfiringthatday #Captainobvious
B.) The message and skills are so much BIGGER than dating. Plus, I REALLY hated being thought of as a dating guy. It wasn’t my intent. I felt Velveeta cheesy, like a bunch of those guys, are #youdeservetofindlove yuk... AND it didn’t help matters with my girlfriend FO SHO!. Different story for a different day. She is a keeper so I’m not F…ing that up!
C.) At it’s CORE… I was teaching communication... not dating. I showed people how to get to know, see and understand another person clearly and quickly. (Just like I did with CEO and CFO’s for over a decade as Headhunter.) Whether you want to sleep with them, work with them, sell to them, or just be their friend… that’s important.
I came to realize that in any situation, be it a dinner party or on the street, in a job interview, a negotiation, or on a date, once you can communicate and can get behind a person’s mask and understand… then shit gets real, shit gets exciting.
When this happens YOU TAKE CONTROL and YOU get to determine if this person is WORTH your time, heart, energy, knowledge or money.
D. Call it what you will… but I am a communicator. My entire career I struggled with “what do I call myself” or how to answer when someone asks, “What do you do?” Writer, Sales, Headhunter, some BS flowery self-important title like “thought leader” (actually no, I never called myself a thought leader or visionary… might as well say A-hole)
I communicate in various ways to educate and inspire and make your life happier, better and connect. I’m a communicator (ok we all are)… but I’m a pro…fessional with a lot of experience. I communicate to educate, sell, inspire, persuade, relate…. sometimes entertain. I communicate to achieve whatever purpose is before me…
Bradley
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