Session Notes

STATE of THE DATE

Manage your expectations.

Not every encounter will result in a “soul mate”, life partner… or a horrific experience.

It’s a TEST DRIVE… to see if you like them… and they EARN more time and exposure with you.

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT… SPECIFICALLY

Know what YOU want, expect… BUT more importantly, KNOW how to define it and what IT looks like to YOU. Ie. What does “communication” look like TO YOU.

GET THEM OFF AUTOPILOT

People at midlife love to give you, their bio. That’s not communicating, and these things DON’T HELP YOU KNOW SOMEONE… you know ABOUT them.  People love to TELL. They think that vomiting a laundry list, history, or bio is telling letting someone get to know them. It’s not. Some people are used to reciting a script… to get to know the person.

Using A PATTERN INTERRUPT, or a question in a different direction OR a probing follows up question intended to make them pause and think… is a great way to get someone to get off pattern and get real

DO NOT… waste time talking about exes, why your divorce, what went wrong, or how bad online dating is… and DON’T let them do it. That stuff is important and/or funny… BUT NOT EARLY ON. It sets a negative tone… AND brings a third party along (or the memory of one) that doesn’t need to be there. And that’s not a good foundation for anything.

HOWEVER, if they do go on and on about an ex, are highly negative or bitter… RUN. They are telling you what you need to know and that is… they aren’t over them and aren’t ready to give their best to you

There is a big difference between BEING OPEN vs. OVERSHARING.

Let’s leave the sad stories behind tonight. … DON’T swap scars and baggage early on. We think that is getting to know someone… and there is a time and place… but early isn’t it.

If someone is an over sharer… they aren’t open… they’re bleeding all over you. You aren’t their therapist, and it isn’t healthy.

THE POWER OF FOLLOWING UP. GOING DEEPER…

We take things at face value… and don’t ask.

Think like a journalist… ask the follow up by asking WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE HOW, WHY

Ie. How did that make you feel? Why did you choose that?

IT’S NOT WHAT THEY SAY BUT WHAT THEY DON’T.

A great question to see if there is someone else?

Q. IS THERE ANYONE WHO WOULD BE UPSET SEEING US TOGETHER OR THINKS THEY’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.

DO THEY HAVE TIME FOR YOU?

Do you want the same things and are you at the same STAGE OF LIFE.

Great questions to discover are:

• Where am I catching you in your life?

• What do the next two years look like for you?

MY FAVORITE PATTERN INTERRUPT QUESTION.

Q. WHAT 2 THINGS ARE YOU MOST EXCITED ABOUT IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW?

Look for EPP Energy Passion Pride.

The spark in their eyes, excitement, and ability to communicate is what you’re looking for.

IF THEY CAN COMMUNICATE about something easy… they have the tools to communicate about harder things later. DO THEY FEEL?

WHY HE IS REALLY INTO YOU?

You want to see if he has he put any thought into WHY he chooses to be with you AND can he articulate it?

• Why did you ask me out?

• What is it about me that made you want to spend time with me?