3 ways to stop inviting drama and energy sucks into your life
I used to have a friend who ALL THEY DID was bitch (I mean talk) about ailments, bad relationships, and shit gone wrong.
They were a professional victim… they just weren't getting paid for it.
You know who else didn't get paid… ME.
I was their de facto amateur therapist, but instead of $175 an hour to listen to their problems. I was lucky to get a Starbucks as the life force was slowly sucked from my body.
Do you know anyone like this? The Drama Queen. Johnny Drama.
Everything is a damned Greek Tragedy.
Look I get it, shit happens. We all have speed bumps, bad days, and legitimate things that go wrong and can upset, derail, or throw us off of our game. The point is to recognize them as isolated incidents and not let them become a way of life.
The problem is sometimes we invite those people and all of their drama into our life.
OK, maybe not directly. You don’t always recognize it at first, but you start to see the trend where NOTHING goes right, things are always happening TO them. They give you the details of every perceived transgression as if it were a Mexican Telenovela.
They are “Eyore” on two legs. BTW… rumor has it that even Pooh and Christopher Robin thought Eyore was a pain in the ass and didn’t want to invite him to parties.
Why do these oxygen thieves do this? Jeez, I’m not a therapist, but I can speculate insecurity, a desire to be needed at any cost, attention whores? Who knows… the point is YOU DON’T NEED THAT IN YOUR LIFE.
Am I saying dump them?
In some cases, YES. Yes, I am! Cut them and that negative energy out of your life.
But often it only takes setting new boundaries and redirection. This can be done in three ways.
1. Get them to the point quickly. This often means telling them to keep the story moving, so they don't get lost in the "painful" details. Nobody cares, and it isn't helping them to relive it.
2. Set "off limits" topics. "We are not going to talk about your ex anymore" or "I don't want to hear about your ailment du jour caused by gluten or wifi waves."
3. Give them the tough love so they can break the cycle and decide to change. You see this most often when people make excuses for other's behavior, or they bitch about something they are unwilling to change or confront.
An example might be someone who gripes about a client they refuse to get rid of, “I hate them, but they are a good client,” You’re response might be, “NO, they are a paying client… but they suck and make your life miserable. Find another client.”
Or the friend who drones on about the bad relationship, "But he is so great when he doesn't drink. He is just going through a rough patch." Yeah, sister we know. This rough patch has been going on for a year, and you always cry at least once a weekend. Stop dating alcoholics.
Ok, these may be extreme and what really needs to be said, but the best and most caring thing you can say is, "I love you, you're my friend… BUT I can't feed this anymore. We aren't talking about this until you change it or do something about it."
Your job is to be a friend or family member… not amateur therapist, counselor or apologist. When feeding them scraps of attention or allow their energy sucking drama to dominate the relationship… it’s no different than feeding a stray animal every day and then wondering why it keeps coming back to you.
If you want drama, go to the movies. Stop inviting it into your life.
Bradley
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